Matthew Fielder (1986

(You can scroll down to the bottom for photos through the years and just a sampling of Matthew's artwork.)

ABOUT MY SON MATTHEW

Matthew blessed us when he surprised us and was born on January 10, 1986, at 6:24 pm, 3 weeks ahead of schedule. He weighed in at 6 lbs. 10 oz.  Since I had gained very little weight, my doctor had predicted (before ultrasounds!) that Matthew would be very small, only 5 lbs. at full term. So when Matt came 3 weeks early and weighed 6#10oz, we actually thought he was a pretty big boy!  We proudly watched him grow from a curly-haired, cute little boy into a handsome young man. Matthew always had a cute smile on his face from the time he was little. His smile and sense of humor were uplifting and contagious. He had a compassionate heart and would give his last penny or the shirt off his back if someone asked. He never knew a stranger anywhere he went; he would strike up conversation with anyone and as his personality shined through, he would have anyone talking, laughing or giggling within minutues. Matthew was also very sensitive and emotional, and wore his emotions on his sleeve. He was also very vulnerable and opened himself to hurt and pain, because he lived without shields or barriers to his heart. Matthew was one of the most loving, compassionate people I have ever met; he was sweet and kind, loving and trusting. Matt was also known by anyone that had ever met him for his loving hugs. He hugged people when he met them, he hugged them when he left, and he held and hugged many friends through difficult times.  As I was getting ready to leave for work on the day Matt passed away, he cupped his hands around my face and told me I was beautiful, and how much he loved me and then gave me a huge hug (I wasn't going on a trip, just to work for 8 hrs). How many 20 yr old young men do that with their mothers?  This turned out to be the last time I saw my son alive and it is a special memory I will cherish forever.

Matthew was known by most people for his wonderful artistic talent. By the young age of 3, you could see his talent emerge. I have loaded some of his drawings from an early age to share his impressive young talent with you. By the end of 4 yr old preschool, he was enrolled in art classes, but placed in a class with much older children, because that was the level he was at. Everyone was amazed at his fine motor skills at such a young age. He only grew from there. (I have made a separate photo album with some of his early drawings, all by age 6. They are not in the slideshow, so if you want to see them, click on the Photo Album tab, and then the drop down menu and select "Earlier Drawings". You'll get a kick out of some of them.) Within a few years, we also found out that he was naturally gifted in music also. He could play piano by ear and his fingers flowed effortlessly on the keys. His piano teachers soon found that trying to teach Matt to "read" music was a waste of time.  All he needed to do was watch and listen to them play a piece of music and he could play it back!  Matt also played trumpet for 4 years, he was naturally gifted learning to play the violin, and he self-taught himself on the clarinet. It was obvious he could pick up any musical instrument and play. But his true passion was painting. This is where he expressed himself.  He loved painting from his vivid imagination and from his soul, not so much from a fruitbowl sitting on the table, but creations in his head.  The head of a local art gallery saw some of Matt's pictures and paintings and said he would have a bright future in Art and could probably choose any art college or institute he desired based on his talent. Not too long after Matt passed away, I received a phone call for Matt from the Pittsburgh Institute of Art; they called to tell him he was accepted for the next semester. This was the college he had dreamed of attending, his heart was set on this school and it broke my heart to pieces to have to tell them he was deceased. I have put pictures of some of his paintings on this website; however, there are many, many more that I cannot find. Actually most of his best ones are nowhere in our house and I am clueless who has them. This is because Matthew loved giving people his paintings, it was a gift from his heart and soul. He gave them not only to friends, but to teachers, doctors, co-workers, to anyone that touched his heart.  Since his death I have talked to so many friends and acquaintances of his that tell me they have a "Mat Fielder" piece of art. They all cherish his artwork since they know it was a piece of him, a piece of his heart, a heart of gold. But now we know Matthew's in Heaven painting awesome sunsets, sparkling sunrises, and rainbows that truly never end. Think of him each time you see the glorious clouds open and his sunlit paintings radiate from Heaven.

Yes, I was truly blessed with Matthew for 20 wonderful years, and anyone that knew him also feels that blessing.  I only wish we could have been blessed with many, many more.  Matthew touched many lives, he's left tears in our eyes, footprints in our hearts, and a very empty spot in my soul.

MATTHEW & METHADONE

I used to know so little about Methadone treatment (which by the way, methadone is NOT meth-amphetamine!). I had read some of the major websites on the internet, which try to portray Methadone as safe and effective. What was left out of this information and what I didn't know was the extreme danger and lethal side effect of this dangerous medication. With so little knowledge, my son and I decided for Matthew to enter a Methadone Maintenance Treatment program after relapsing on prescription pain-killers for about a week; he had been doing well for over six months. Matt had started getting his life back together, enrolled back in college, started going to church, and had goals and dreams for his life. After years of epilepsy and the seizures starting to subside, he looked forward to getting his drivers license. He started the Methadone Clinic on the early morning of Monday, August 7th. Matthew started exhibiting adverse reactions immediately. When he called the clinic, he was told they were normal. Each day they increased his dose, each day his symptoms got worse and each day he was informed it was normal. As a for-profit clinic, they were pushing him through the line and basically blew him off. Nobody listened, nobody cared. Meanwhile, he was suffering numerous "abnormal" side effects such as not being able to swallow his own saliva. On Friday, Day 5, I talked to Matt on the phone around 10am and he was very lethargic and sleepy; I thought he was tired from not sleeping at all the night before (due to the Methadone). We laughed and I told him to take a nap and call me back at work when he woke up. He never called back.....

When I came home from work that Friday evening around 5pm, I found my son sitting in the floor of our hallway, with his body slumped over. I thought he had just then collapsed, or maybe playing a trick on me. I never expected what I was about to see and live through. I laid his body down, but he was lifeless, discolored and cold. I quickly called 911 and attempted CPR while waiting for the EMT's, however I could not even move/manipulate his mouth to start CPR, unbelievably realizing it was due to rigor mortis. In my heart, I was sure when the paramedics arrived, they would be able to resuscitate him; however, the EMT's took about 1 minute to pronounce him dead to me. And there I was in the hallway of my home by myself with my son who was truly dead, gone, forever. It is estimated he had been dead about 5-6 hours, which is when the methadone would have peaked. When Matt's toxicology report came back he only had Methadone and his prescribed medications the doctor had approved in his system. The only thing Matthew did wrong that week was follow the instructions of the doctor and clinic, and believe the negligent answers they responded to his side effects. In fact, the whole week he had been dying from methadone toxicity.

After learning the cause of Matthew's death, his father and I discussed a lawsuit with a lawyer. As we discussed what recourse was available, the lawyer informed us that if we were out to change the world, it would never happen; it all came down to money. Even though we have gone forward with the lawsuit, I could not accept that the death of my son all came down to money. How do you put a monetary value on your precious son's life? I thought of the lawyer's statement over and over and then decided I needed to DO something in Matthew's memory and in his name. After researching and learning so much more about Methadone, I have now taken on a personal mission to try to help save others from the deadly effects of Methadone and educate the public to the true dangers and lethal effect of Methadone. I have written to hundreds of government offiicials in different capacities, on different levels, trying to change laws, tighten regulations, and hopefully save lives. I know I can't shut down all the hundreds of clinics across the nation, but hopefully I could try to make them safer. The clinics used to be goverened by the FDA, but that changed to SAMHSA (Substance Abuse Mental Health Services Agency) and CSAT (Center for Substance Abuse Treatment) in 2001. Included in the e-mails I wrote, I e-mailed some of the top officials in those agencies and wrote about Matt's story and his death. They responded and then corresponded back and forth about what happened. In July 2007, they invited me as one of 52 people from across the country to attend the annaul SAMHSA Opioid Treatment Center Accreditation Guideline Review. All of the others invited were physicians, senators, governors, clinic owners, SAMHSA, CSAT, DOJ, or DEA officials. I was the only public person that was invited! I prayed for strength the night before to be able to calmly and intelligently make the points I wanted to make (I don't speak well in front of others at all!!). When I got to the meeting, I felt the amazing strength of God and Matthew with me. I bravely sat in the front by one of the few microphones and after the first presentation, when they asked for questions I spoke up and never shut up all day!!! What I didn't realize until everyone started talking, is that everyone else in that room was pro-methadone, I was the only one with an anti- view. However, by the end of the day, after hearing the reality of Matt's story and what CAN happen in a real methadone clinic setting (not just sitting in a meeting), and listening to my points and suggestions for the induction phase, 51 people had a different point of view when they left that day. I made and wore one of those badge pins with a big smiling picture of Matthew on it, so every time they looked at me, they were looking in the eyes of a person that had died at the hands of a certified, accredited, licensed methadone clinic. Many people approached me every break, during lunch, after the meeting, wanting to know more. I had been corresponding with Dr. Kenneth Hoffman at SAMHSA and a woman that worked for him told me just so I would know that they have regular "Matthew Fielder Meetings" and that is what they actually call them. They address what went wrong in his case and what can go wrong in clinic settings. Another woman from the DEA wanted my e-mail so she could contact me later for more details; she wanted to open an investigation through the DEA. I am still in touch with some top officials at SAMHSA and they have advised me that in the next revision of the Accreditation Guidelines they are going to include a section on the Induction Phase in the next update. There are currently NO regulations or rules in place for this dangerous part of treatment (the first 7-10 days) when they know the risk of death is 98x higher. Hopefully, the changes made will save lives of methadone patients, especially at the beginning of treatment when the risk of death is so great.

I also reported Matt's case to the WV DHHR Licensing Agency in Charleston that provides the license that the clinic operates under. They did a surprise audit of the clinic in April 2007. I've had to follow up numerous times, and even had to contact the DHHR's attorney, but I have finally received a draft report of the findings from the audit. The report noted 19 deficiencies/violations during the audit of the clinic and Matt's case. Deficiencies ranged from the fact that the methadone pump had not been calibrated in 5 years to the documented fact that an LPN gave Matt prescription advice that it was ok to take Phenergan with Methadone (documented in clinic notes). First, LPN's are not permitted to give prescription advice, and second Phenergan is contraindicated with Methadone and adds to the CNS depressant affect, possibly the cause or contributing factor of Matt's death. This clinic has now had to implement corrective actions for all of these deficiencies, plus actions to scrutinize new patients during the induction phase. The clinic has now implemented corrective actions and changed some of their procedures. Sadly for Matthew and our family, many that were implemented would have saved Matt's life. However, we feel that everyone that now enters this clinic will be safer due to these changes. This was my mission; it has now been implemented locally and through the continued effort with SAMHSA, it will take effect on a Federal level.

So, PLEASE alert anyone you know who is contemplating Methadone for treatment, for pain or for a high to stay away from this lethal drug. It is unpredictable with an extremely long half-life (as long as 72 hrs, and in rare cases 96 hours), therefore building up in the system to toxic levels, a process that most people aren't advised of or don't understand. And if you are not opioid tolerant or your tolerance is over-estimated, it only takes ONE dose or ONE single pill to KILL!! There is no safe way to dispense or control Methadone and its results are FATAL, with no warning signs before death occurs... you just stop breathing. There are no do-overs, no going back and choosing a different form of treatment. My son is gone, forever. My hope now is that the public becomes educated about this fatal drug. Most websites dedicated to Methadone praise of it's success and safety; these websites are written by Dr. Leavitt, whose work is sponsored by Mallinckrodt, the manufacturer of Methadone!! These websites are misleading when considering Methadone treatment as an option. Their "facts" and statistics are false. My advice is to just stay away from Methadone; it is unpredictably FATAL. That is exactly why Matthew is dead and I am writing this Memorial!

SONG PLAYED AT THE END OF MATTHEW'S FUNERAL
"PRAISE YOU IN THE STORM"
(by Casting Crowns)

LYRICS:
I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen"
and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
Who gives and takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

"MEMORY"